There are certain things in life that you don't want to become, I just became one of those. There is no voice for you anymore, you exist just because you exist. There will be advices that are coming in from many sides, and i tell you there is nothing wrong with them except that you don't want to do it. And in case you have got an idea or thought of doing something other than what everyone else is saying it is considered to be an insane idea. And the moment you tell your view to anyone and talk slightly stubbornly on it they get angry on you. If you dont listen to them you are treated as stubborn and arrogant and got an bit of attitude. And then all you can do is to agree with them because you dont want to lose more people in life, you've already lost enough. Ah it feels terrible to be like this. All that you can do is to act like a freaking robot for sometime till you get to that time again when you can speak or defy everything and go against everyone and do according to your wishes. But i'll tell you one thing it takes lot of courage and confidence to do the second thing, and also you've to be very precise and right when you do it.

Farewell

Its always tough to leave someone or some place with which you have developed a bonding. All those people with whom you had good laugh, together with whom you did many a good things, with whom you had fun, danced and screamed and freaked out with. These memories never fade for those are never meant to come back, every single moment holds its own special importance. And you may think that you can always comeback. But what if the parting is done in the hard way, with some silly stupid fight and some egoistically spoken words. You dont know when you will meet them ever again in life to relive all those moments again. You leave alone hoping that one day things will be fine and you can sit back with all your loved ones and fill the air again with the same sort of magical feeling that once was there holding us all together.

This is life isn't it? You meet some and leave some. Very few things in this world are permanent, and most things come with an expiry date.When you meet you hope that this is forever but all the things that you hope may not exactly turn out the same way. And when those people with whom you had a bond no matter how long or short the relation is there is a void that has been created in lives. But you cannot stop there. You have to move on hoping that the past was great and the future is good. New people will continue to come into your life and embrace you, you have to look for the love of old ones in them. No two relations will be the same for its not the same person. The void that is left by the one who is leaving is something that cannot be filled we may think, but it sure will be filled by someone. There are more good people in this world than one can imagine. And so the journey continues with a strange hope that one day you will meet all those with whom you had developed a liking. You may or may not but one day when you sit back and think you will realise that your life is complete with all those people you have met through it.

HOPE

"Hope"
Its a funny four letter word and a funny feeling too. Sometimes it makes you feel that whatever you dream or expect will happen and makes you go through life, but sometimes it also makes you to go through pain too when your brain and the things around that are going indicate that its not what you think and perhaps what you visualise is wrong.

I'm lost in between those two feelings right now. Some part of me says that those people who left me will come back by understanding what they have done and the other says what if they dont realise their mistakes soon enough. Already the time has taken its toll on me. I have waited and finally got myself into a big pile of shit that no one wants to get into. Can i wait more? Or rather the question i have to ask myself is should i wait?

May be i think i should move on and go ahead with my life. May be some things better are waiting. A better love may be on its way. Better relationships and more good people are waiting to meet me. I have to move on in my journey. I have waited enough.And in case i have to come back i dont have any problem for i know the path and i can retrace it. I have to move on and continue to do what i'm best in, making others happy. I have gained an experience in my life and with this i can probabaly help a lot of others who may get into the same shit as me if i stop here. On the other hand the things that i want to do are also waiting. I have to acheive what i want to achieve. May be that might prove an eye opener to all these people. I know that i have accepted my mistakes and gave my best too. I have been as honest as possible and if ever i lied sometimes it was always in the best interests of the relationships i care about and nothing personal. I believe in myself and the principles i choose to live with. They will never let me down. I will move on. I hope that one day i will see what i visualise to see. I have to make history. I have to write my own story that the whole world likes to read.

"Hope"
It might be a funny four letter word but it has some magic in it which makes everything possible.

Right Now Feeling

As i sit and think about all those people whom i had once and whom i love so much i start to get a thought whether they are all also thinking about me or is it just me who is unable to let them go off from my mind. Did the girl whom i loved so much really forgot about me as she said and is she able to go with her things as normal as she used to do? If she really did forget all those things why cant i let her go?

And all those people who i know very well and those with whom i was very close able to forget everything that happened and then go with their lives? If so then why cant i again?

What is it about that made me such an emotional person?
Why cant i just let them go off from my mind?

Damn this feeling for this is the worst that anyone can go through. This is like you have everyone around you but still feel lonely and alone. All those people who are my friends are really good and just not able to care about me. They are busy in their own lives while i just bide my time for them to come back so that i can have the same happiness all over again.

What is it about me that makes me so difficult to comprehend or is it that people understand me and still dont want to talk just because their ego's are stopping me?

How will i be able to forget them and move on?
How can i accept new persons into my life again after what all these people had shown me?
Damn why am i getting so many questions?

As i said in my earlier post the thoughts are getting mixed and i cant write even. I can only feel.
Damn!!!!

A few random thoughts

The Journey

It is often said
The journey is more important
Than the destination.
Well, if the journey is this bad
The destination had better be good.



Why doesn't anybody understand, when I am
complaining I just wanna be listened to.
So, stop giving me solutions. You can try
telling me how good I am instead. Trust me,
it will work much better than fault
finding and exhortation.

Why is it so difficult to admit to
having made a mistake?

Why do some people derive pleasure
in making life difficult for others?

Why is it that some people refuse
to see beneath the surface? The
reality stares back at them
through a veil and they refuse to
see the truth for what it is.

Why do absolute deceit and absolute
faith so often have such a thin line
between them?

Why is it so difficult for some to
offer words of comfort or empathize?
As humans aren't we well equipped for
the task? If you don't understand this,
try listening when a person is upset
with you. Don't expect them to
say it, just observe them with compassion
and you'll find what they want through
the chaff. And most often,
it's not something expensive.

Tell me to do it and you will find me
decided not to do it. Tell me not to do it,
you'll find I've done it already.

Why can't some people understand you no
matter how long they've lived with you?
They just refuse to accept you for
who you are.

P.S: This blog i wrote is courtesy a blog that i'm following, i thank the one who wrote this for these are the feelings that i want to express and thanks for making my job easier. Hope you do not have any objections.

What i was....

Everytime i come here i want to write something but then as soon as i start writing my thoughts get mixed and i forget what to write. Thats how i have become from someone who used to be very clear in his thinking.

Everytime i go out and hang with my friends they are feeling that i'm not involving so much in their conversation and making them bored. Thats how i become from someone who used to do all the noise and talking and cheering up people.

Everywhere i go i carry a bit of sadness with me. Thats how i become from being someone who used to carry an never ending smile on his face.

Everytime i sleep i sleep because of an headache or due to fatigue caused out of something. Thats how i become from someone who used to sleepy happily at nights.

Everytime i wake up i wake up at an odd time or due to the scolding of my parents. Thats how i become from being someone who used to get up whenever he wants.

Everytime i sleep some good old memories come to my mind making me nostalgic and insomniac. Thats how i become from someone who always enjoyed those moments.

Everytime i talk with someone there is a sense of fear in me of what that person is thinking of me and what wrong i may speak with him and whether that person knows what had happened to me. Thats how i become from being an honest man and having no fear.

They say that if you are an honest man you have nothing to be afraid of. I was an honest man and i'm an honest man now but no one still cares about that. That is what makes me afraid.

damn this!!!

i would like to tell you one thing...in life never let someone get on top of you or you know what i mean...command you....that doesnt mean that you should command everyone....

if ever you give someone a slightest chance that would be it..for because once that happens and people start to show u their sympathy u have to be u know kind of slave for them for whatever they did to u.......

the position i'm in right now is like that....i'm an college drop out i should say.....the reasons are again related to what i told above....

there were a few mistakes from my side and then the people around me made it even worse....now people call either to sympathise with me or either ridicule me.....they want to show off.....this is one thing most like to do.....

i dont like both...i mean sympathies and ridicule......

right now i dont have a voice anywhere....i cant go to the college and then tell the same old good things i once said for i'm nobody to them now...the reason is simple.....i dont have the proof for my talent....

this brings me to one more thing...always try to maintain proofs for everything you do for u know when u need them.....

and then i cant talk in my home.....first thing is that i'm the youngest in my family....and another i didnt do what i was supposed to....so whatever they say i have to listen........they say sleep i sleep .....they say eat i eat....thats it....nothing else......

and now i have to prove to everyone......damn i hate this......but it doesnt matter for in order to win back my freedom and rights i have to do it......there really is a point to prove here.....

?????????

I have a few questions that have been arising in my mind.....
When can we ever say that i have heard enough?
why dont we ever seek the truth?
why do people get hurt when we tell the truth?
why cannot we think when we are angry?
why do we always realise things too late?
do we have to care for people who are close to us?
why do we judge people?
what is good and what is not?
what does it take to tell a person you love that you love her/him?
how can we prove that you are being genuine?
what does it take to believe a person?
what does it take to forget the thing that you keep on remembering?
is love a tangible or intangible?
how can we prove the existence of things that are intangible?
what does it take to succeed in life?
what does it to get the things you want to have in life?
what does it take to ruin your life completely and then again try to come back and succeed?
can we ever get back those things which we lost?
do miracles happen only in movies or also in real life?
and finally does god really exist and if so why does he do all this?