Well my worst fears have been realized as expected my love went away from me. I jus hope it is for the time being but then she looks like she’s never going to return. I have been trying hard to sink in this feeling but then I couldn’t. I never thought that she doesn’t like me at all. I always thought that she’ll accept me and we can live forever in life. I don’t know why she did but then I accept her because if she accepts me for the sake of myself she cant be happy. I always want her to be happy and I’m happy that she wants someone better than me in her life. I sincerely hope she finds him. But at the same time I also want her to comeback. And the worst part about it is that she didn’t understand how much I love her. She never gave me a chance to explain her myside. But whatever has happened I accept it. But then I didn’t lose jus my love but also a nice friend like her. Probably I think I deserve this for making some one as nice as her cry. We used to be nice friends and always I liked talking to her. But then she refused to be my friend too. As they say friendship may end in love but love in friendship never does. I don’t know how to react at this point of time but I’m really feeling miserable here having lost her. At any cost I want her back in my life for only that may get the best out of me. Right now I’m feeling really guilty for the choice I made to propose to her but then I might have felt the same if I didn’t in my life ever. May be one day she may realize how much I love her and come back to me but as of now I lost her forever. For the time being I think that proposing to her was my first biggest mistake in life. I never thought that she’ll leave me for this. And one more reason that makes me feel even more miserable is that because of me she doesn’t want to be friends with anyone in our group. I tried to explain her that remaining all people are good and not like me but she never listened to me nor did she care to listen to me however bad I tried to explain to her. In the process I showed my anger on her too. I think that made things even more bad. But coming to my friends I’m really sorry for them that they lost a nice friend because of me. And I’m really sorry to her too that she lost some nice people because of me. They are people who can help her be a better person in her life. They are the people with whom she can be to easily forget me. I’ll be happy if she treats them normally even if she doesn’t treat me too.
I always wanted a friend like her and in time also wanted to marry someone like her and spend my life. That was my dream and she was my dream girl. And right now it looks as if I was waken up from my lovely dream. But then I wish I can be in that dream only. I jus cant face this harsh reality. But then I’m happy that I live my dream even if it was partial.
Right now I cant make a decision whether to wish for her to come back in my life as my love or jus as a friend but I’ll be happy if either of the things happen.
Even after all this I told her that I still love her and jus because that she refused to accept me my love for her doesn’t die. I always loved her and will continue to till my last breath. How can one ever forget their first love?? I’ll continue to treat her as my friend and will try to help her at my best so that she will succeed in her life. I forgot to tell you she is really special and if she can follow the things I told her she’ll reach a very good position. Let me tell you she is the next best thing in the making. She jus needs to be chiseled and a few final touches are need to be given to make her a finished product.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. The reason could be that this separation may help her to understand how I love her or could be that I’ll get some one better. I strongly feel that its for the former.
As for now I can only hope that with time things will be all fine. I hope that the wounds we made to each other will heal and give rise to a renewed relationship between us. I jus only can hope that for. only hope is the thing that right now drives me in my life.
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